livingmyths (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
livingmyths) wrote2009-12-06 01:16 pm
livingmyths) wrote2009-12-06 01:16 pm
Entry tags:
0119: And More Loss
Mat's gone.
He went out for a ride and didn't come back and didn't contact me or anything, so I went to the Hall and he's really, really gone. I guess the horse went with him because she didn't come back either.
I... I don't know what to do. All my house is memories of Mat and Tony. Part of me wants to go away and leave it and never come back again and another part wants never to leave it even for a minute because maybe there they'll stay more real.
Who will hold me when I sleep at night and make me feel safe and tell me I'm special? I loved Mat so very very much, more than I ever dared tell him.
I feel... I feel very small and lost.
He went out for a ride and didn't come back and didn't contact me or anything, so I went to the Hall and he's really, really gone. I guess the horse went with him because she didn't come back either.
I... I don't know what to do. All my house is memories of Mat and Tony. Part of me wants to go away and leave it and never come back again and another part wants never to leave it even for a minute because maybe there they'll stay more real.
Who will hold me when I sleep at night and make me feel safe and tell me I'm special? I loved Mat so very very much, more than I ever dared tell him.
I feel... I feel very small and lost.
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I understand a lot more than you think.
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