Living Amid the Myths

Mat's gone.

He went out for a ride and didn't come back and didn't contact me or anything, so I went to the Hall and he's really, really gone. I guess the horse went with him because she didn't come back either.

I... I don't know what to do. All my house is memories of Mat and Tony. Part of me wants to go away and leave it and never come back again and another part wants never to leave it even for a minute because maybe there they'll stay more real.

Who will hold me when I sleep at night and make me feel safe and tell me I'm special? I loved Mat so very very much, more than I ever dared tell him.

I feel... I feel very small and lost.

Rain sat in the middle of her favorite meadow by the river, laughing delightedly as plants of all kinds frolicked around and over her. She stretched up to touch the branch of a tree as it bent close to her as if whispering in her ear, living flowers twined in her hair.

Oh Shin, you were right! They do love me! I wish you were here, but I hope more that you're happy with your plants!

Rain's cowering as far up against a wall as she can, head ducked as if to avoid being hit. She clearly wants to cover her head with her arms, but doesn't - as if she's been warned not to.

No, I... People here say that's not true. I'm not bad.

She flinches away even more.

Please don't. Please.

She tries to slide unobtrusively along the wall towards the open front of the house where she can run, but it is as if an invisible person blocks her way, driving her toward the back of the house. Finally she slides down the wall, pulling her knees in tight and wrapping her arms around her head.

Okay, yes, YES, you're right!

I'm bad and ugly and stupid and a slut and it's all my fault, all of it. And I should never have run away. I was bad, I know, just please, please don't.

I am... very embarrassed. I do apologize to anyone I spoke with the other day. I... wasn't myself, even though I couldn't see that at the time.

Scotty... I am so very very sorry. I would never - I... I just hope you can forgive me.

And the two women I spoke to... I'm sorry so much if I disturbed or upset you.

Mr. Kirk... I'm really grateful for your kindness and the you didn't take me up on, well... what I was offering.



[Private to Mat]

Mat, you know how thankful I am that you came for me. It was... you were wonderful and cursed or not I have no regrets about any time I spend with you. You made it not a curse, but a... an amazing gift of a day. Thank you.

[End Private]



[Private to Thomas]

I am so sorry. I... you know I would never try to tempt you like that. I would never want to hurt you or try and make you do something wrong. I... I would understand if you couldn't forgive me, but still, I really hope you can.

I'd like to come see you, but again, I understand if you don't ever want to see me again.

[End Private]

I decided I am going to stay out by the river for a while longer, because I'm going to be River for a while instead of Rain, so I should watch myself a little more.

People can still come visit if they want. I'm not so hard to find.

Mat, if you're around I hope your friend is doing better.

Thomas, if you want to come watch the stars one night...

I think... I think being River for a while will be good for me. They're both water, but River sort of stays put even as she moves all over.

Anyway... just didn't want people to worry.

[[After directing Harry as to where to find Thomas, Rain had done as Thomas and 'Mana had asked and gone deep into the woods to hide. She tucked herself away in a hollow beside a rock, half burying herself in leaves, unaware that her Network device had begun broadcasting from on top of her backpack where she'd left it, letting anyone who cared to watch Rain as the exhaustion and fear of the past two days caught up with her and she slowly drifted into sleep.

It continued to broadcast as she slept, catching her restlessness and occasional murmurings throughout the night.]]

I'm staying at the Library tonight if anyone's wondering or worried. There are no drains up here for Hair monster things to come out of - not that it's tried to bother me.

The stars are beautiful and it's nice up here on the roof. I'll just curl up and sleep right here. Let the stars sing me to sleep, you know?

I hope everyone's okay out there.

The rain is starting to go away. I kind of feel like I'm going away too. My head at least. Maybe I just need to sleep more. I do feel awfully tired. I think I'm not sleeping too well. Too many things running around loose in my head.


Private to Thomas, but very hackable

Thomas? I need your help maybe. Can you talk to me here?

I'm feeling a little... sad today, I guess and I really don't know why.

It's a nice day and Spring is coming and my friends are here and I should be all happy, but I'm just sort of... not.

I don't even want to go to the Library.

Maybe... maybe I'll just curl up in bed and pull the covers over my head for a while.

Or maybe I'll go out and sit by the river and hope that makes me feel better.