Living Amid the Myths

Rain's cowering as far up against a wall as she can, head ducked as if to avoid being hit. She clearly wants to cover her head with her arms, but doesn't - as if she's been warned not to.

No, I... People here say that's not true. I'm not bad.

She flinches away even more.

Please don't. Please.

She tries to slide unobtrusively along the wall towards the open front of the house where she can run, but it is as if an invisible person blocks her way, driving her toward the back of the house. Finally she slides down the wall, pulling her knees in tight and wrapping her arms around her head.

Okay, yes, YES, you're right!

I'm bad and ugly and stupid and a slut and it's all my fault, all of it. And I should never have run away. I was bad, I know, just please, please don't.

It's raining, raining, raining. And not the good kind of rain. It's cold and gloomy and I feel all unsettled inside.

And someone else bought poor Chuck at the auction even though I tried very hard not to let someone do that. I hope he comes back.

I keep looking over my shoulder, feeling like there's something there, like there's something scary right on the edge of my awareness or my memory or something. I don't know what it is.

I'm home now. I went to work at the Library this morning and stayed as long as I could, but when the rain started pouring down I went home before everything got washed out. Now I'm curled up on my bed watching the rain on the roof and thinking that this is just the kind of Rain and me that people don't like.

I don't blame them. I don't even like me like this.

If anyone's looking for me I went to stay at Ianto's house in the middle of the day yesterday. I thought Abby would be here, but I guess she got stuck somewhere else.

It's a nice house, but it's big and I don't know it or the people, except Ianto, so it's kind of scary. I was too scared to sleep so I just found a corner where I could sort of hide and still see outside and I'm just staying there.

It's safe, though. Ianto says so and I believe him. I just... wish I could be someplace I know. And I miss the clock. I miss the ticking. I know most people don't like it, but I don't like it being gone.

Is everybody else safe? I'm worried about all my friends and special people.

There are so many things I am thankful for.

First and foremost, that I'm here in the City and not back home. May whatever deities are listening know I am grateful to them as well for keeping me here.

Next for all the wonderful people and friends I have met and made here. It's hard for me to believe you all care so much for me. Very hard. But I appreciate it so very, very much.

Iron Man, you are the best friend I've ever had. You make me so very happy and I always feel special when I'm with you. Thank you for the hugs and the flying and the safety I feel when I'm with you. I'd do anything for you.

Tony, thank you for everything you've done for me. My house is so amazing. I'm safe there and I'm not scared and I even have my own bed! I love working with you and going for coffee or a picnic. You make me feel special too and pretty. I always know I can count on you and Iron Man if anything happens. You know I'd do anything - more than anything - for you.

Mat... I don't even know where to start. You make me feel like I matter and you always seem to understand what I mean. You gave me my first kiss and first date and first dance and you showed me how something I always thought was ugly could actually be really beautiful. And very pleasurable. I always end up wanting to spend more and more time with you.

Abby, you're the only person I ever remember saying that they love me, except my mother when I was really really little. And you hug me and make me do good things for myself and laugh and hug me and you're just wonderful. I hope you never leave.

Logan, the furniture you made for me was beautiful and you have been so kind to me.

Silk, I love hearing your stories about the Gods and spending time with you.

Jack, thank you for the food for my dinner today and your kindness and the money you gave me. You're wonderful!

Cat, I know you don't like me, but thank you for letting me borrow your dress for the ball. I felt all pretty in it and it was very nice of you.

Ianto, thank you for letting me work with you and saying I can stay at the Library to be safe and worrying about me. I do so appreciate it.

And everyone else, there are so many I can't even say them all. You're all special and so good to me and I am thankful for every one of you.