Living Amid the Myths

I should have come on yesterday to say I was sorry for any hurt or upset I caused, but I was too embarrassed. Even though Mat says everyone will understand, I still feel horrible.

So, please, accept my apologies and I hope no one was too bothered by that other person here.

Rain's cowering as far up against a wall as she can, head ducked as if to avoid being hit. She clearly wants to cover her head with her arms, but doesn't - as if she's been warned not to.

No, I... People here say that's not true. I'm not bad.

She flinches away even more.

Please don't. Please.

She tries to slide unobtrusively along the wall towards the open front of the house where she can run, but it is as if an invisible person blocks her way, driving her toward the back of the house. Finally she slides down the wall, pulling her knees in tight and wrapping her arms around her head.

Okay, yes, YES, you're right!

I'm bad and ugly and stupid and a slut and it's all my fault, all of it. And I should never have run away. I was bad, I know, just please, please don't.

I am... very embarrassed. I do apologize to anyone I spoke with the other day. I... wasn't myself, even though I couldn't see that at the time.

Scotty... I am so very very sorry. I would never - I... I just hope you can forgive me.

And the two women I spoke to... I'm sorry so much if I disturbed or upset you.

Mr. Kirk... I'm really grateful for your kindness and the you didn't take me up on, well... what I was offering.



[Private to Mat]

Mat, you know how thankful I am that you came for me. It was... you were wonderful and cursed or not I have no regrets about any time I spend with you. You made it not a curse, but a... an amazing gift of a day. Thank you.

[End Private]



[Private to Thomas]

I am so sorry. I... you know I would never try to tempt you like that. I would never want to hurt you or try and make you do something wrong. I... I would understand if you couldn't forgive me, but still, I really hope you can.

I'd like to come see you, but again, I understand if you don't ever want to see me again.

[End Private]

So people keep promising they'll show me movies and then disappearing. Is there anyone who'd like to show me some soon? Before they disappear too?

Also... I'm wondering if people can tell me why people lie to other people. Or why they do things to hurt people who can't fight back. Or why people don't take care of children.

I couldn't make my brain be quiet today. Not even out by the river. So I came to the Library and worked, but the Library kind of sent me on a wild goose chase and ended up locking me out on the roof. Maybe my brain was too loud for it, too.

Anyway, I'm up here on the roof thinking all sorts of things I probably shouldn't and wondering when the Library will let me back inside.

It's good to be back at work. I think the Library missed me. I felt like it sort of followed me around all day, which I know sounds silly, but everytime I turned around something it knew I would like was right there.

I'm up here on the roof now, enjoying the air and the freedom and the not being afraid.

Everything seems so much more clear. It's kind of interesting.

Thomas...? I'm so sorry. I know I said I wouldn't with anyone else so we could see what happened, but I thought it was - by the time I realized... I... it was too late. I didn't mean to.